Does the call for freedom speak to you?
If so, here’s a simple trick to get you there!
If there is one belief that is widely held in our society, it is that others can have a direct effect on our well-being. I remember a few years ago when I was attending a wedding, the celebrant parish priest mentioned to the spouses that they were now both responsible for the welfare of each other. I restrained myself at that moment so as not to get up from my seat and loudly proclaim how much I disagreed with his statement. This made me react because it helps maintain an attitude of dependence on others, which often keeps us prisoners in our relationships. In this article, I will explain the negative result of this belief which is conveyed by several people.
The problem with this way of thinking is that it costs us our freedom. I know from experience that the majority of people think that how they feel depends on others. For example, when my kids argue, it often ends when they come to me and say, “It’s my brother’s (or my sister’s) fault if I’m angry or have acted in such a way.” Or I hear couples say, “I am happy because you are happy.”
In fact, how we feel or react in such situations has nothing to do with others. If someone remains convinced that the other is responsible for how they feel, the only way they can feel differently is to think that the other has to change. However, even with a lot of willpower, it is impossible to make others change. The only power we have is to change ourselves.
In addition, some people often harbor bitterness or resentment toward another person to make them pay for the harm they have done to them. The problem with resentment and bitterness is that it never reaches the other person, but only harms the person in question. There is nothing you can feel that will have a direct impact on others, and the opposite is also true. If the way we feel can in no way influence someone else, then only we have an impact on how we feel. We always have the choice to decide how we feel in relation to what we experience in our relationships.
In short, what we have to remember is that the feelings we have towards others can only hurt us. Some people believe that they have good reason to harbor resentment in their lives. What is important to know is that the more we abandon these resentments, the more we become free, because we no longer let our happiness depend on others. These resentments are like chains that keep us connected to the other person.
Not forgiving and harboring bitterness is like eating a poison, in the hope that the other person pays the price.
Let’s stop thinking that changes must come from others rather than from ourselves. The simple act of forgiving or letting go will allow us to be fully responsible for our happiness and freedom.
I wish you to achieve all the freedom you deserve!